@MumsieEsq: When your 3yo spits a chewed up wad of cheese into your hand and you're like "where did you find this, I didn't give you any cheese today?"
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@DothTheDoth: No one wants to talk about Dracula's defining quality, turning into thousands of bats to avoid human contact.
@kyle_thatisall: If your girl says "Hey guess what!" you better already have your super excited blown away face picked out for whatever nonsense comes next.
@ThRealBallsDeep: <at first day of t-ball practice> Me:What's the first rule here, boys? Kid:Don't poop your pants? M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.
@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.