@1Happytwit: When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
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@jwoodham: "How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?" Doesn't follow instructions very well.
@pinupteacher: ME: What tattoo should I get? TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection. ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.
@swiftenhaal: I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.