@1Happytwit: When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
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@Book_Krazy: Boss: It's almost quitting time. Drinks? Me: In my top desk drawer. Help yourself. Boss:...
@Carmensadie: Unless you're going to tell me there's a sniper target on me, I can wait for you to finish chewing to hear what you have to say. Thanks.
@SamanthaRae49: I don't usually talk to strangers but when I do its because I'm at the zoo and someone called a tortoise a turtle.
@briancthayer: [house hunting] Friend: *hurls spear into vinyl siding* GOT ONE! Me: *hacking at brick siding w/ sword* GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!