@Talkinghands69: When your boss says "you're getting a little behind," he won't appreciate it when you wink and say "been working out-thanks for noticing."
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@grifteezy: Meet my cat, Hemingway. And my two dogs, Faulkner and Whitman. I know what books are. Ah yes, my macaw approaches. His name is Literature
@ShittyComedian: When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.
@StarrsWar: No officer I didn't mean to run him over. Yes I saw him but I thought he was my ex, and clearly he is not my ex.