@trevso_electric: When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that "totally weird" text you got from your ex last night.
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@WyanRilson: The hardest part of potty training my puppy is shitting outside with him so he can learn how to
@JosesLovesYou: So Nicolas Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why the wrong face?"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Now that HBO has a partnership with Sesame Street we'll finally learn how to spell the names of all the Game of Thrones characters.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Friend: All I want for Christmas is a new blender Me: Wouldn't you rather have your life together?