@i_theindian: When your nose is running and your feet smell, you are not sick you're just built upside down.
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@plumbur: I'm convinced that my washing machine is a portal to a world where one-legged men hop around in my socks.
@williamwanton: I love you Mario but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of
@Mr_Kapowski: I didn't want the cop to see that my car's registration tags weren't current but apparently swerving erratically got his attention too
@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.