@WilliamAder: When your pet is staring at you, it's probably thinking "I wonder how long those things live."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@flashember: [Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body
@somelightcrying: [Rips bong] Each Disney Princess represents a deadly sin! Jasmine, Greed. Mulan, Pride. Ariel, Envy. "Snow White?" Um. [Rips bong] Vegan.
@MariyaAlexander: I had this nightmare that Salma Hayek and Kevin Hart were trying to tell me something at the same time and expected me to understand it