@WilliamAder: When your pet is staring at you, it's probably thinking "I wonder how long those things live."
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@Swishergirl24: My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don't have to shovel snow this weekend.
@JediGigi: Interviewer: Your resume only has "Mad" under "Skills" Me: Yeah boyee Interviewer: *tears up* You're just what we need. Welcome to Subway.
@sip_at_home_mom: Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling "Ta-da!" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it.