@WilliamAder: When your pet is staring at you, it's probably thinking "I wonder how long those things live."
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@joshgondelman: Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home.
@joejwest: DOROTHY: What do these shoes do? GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame [tries new pair] And these? G: Wait- D: [clicks heels] [turns into hamburger]
@Izianikapani: Pandas, skunks and zebras are the oldest species on Earth, dating back to long before colour was invented.