@WilliamAder: When your pet is staring at you, it's probably thinking "I wonder how long those things live."
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@rickolantern: The mice in my apartment left me a note that said as long as I keep buying store brand graham crackers, there's no need for traps.
@angibangie: *Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.
@CherBear162: "Remember Robert from work?" Yeah..he was a douche. "He died." WHAT?!? OMG..He was such a nice guy!