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@DocHackenbush: When your pharmacist actually wants you to die.
@FrogAvalanche: [On phone]
"Did u see the weather forecast?"
"No. I refuse to be sucked in by Big Weather."
"Where are you? Its so noisy."
"IN A TORNADO."
@mattZillaaaa: Old people like to get up at 4am so they can go sit in chairs and fall back asleep
@jonnysun: if somone acidentaly walks in while ur in the bathroom, do not react at all. this avoids embarasment & makes them wonder if they are a ghost
@realHamOnWry: My Voodoo doll would be a glazed ham wrapped in chicken feathers.
@Marcmywords2: I texted my ex,
I'm at a cemetery.....
wish you were here.