@Henry_3k: When your wife asks if men think about sex every 7 seconds the correct answer is "I think of you all the time dear" & not "Sex with who?".
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@UNTRESOR: If there really was a Purge, and all crime was legal for one night, I'd probably do something super crazy, like loiter.
@perlapell: My midwife just sat me down and gently broke the news that I am simply plump and she has no reason to be here.
@donjuantip: Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.