@jasonroeder: When you're accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don't reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@FrancysNjoroge: Please do not throw cigarette butts into the urinals, as it makes them soggy and very hard to light -Bathroom graffiti
@weinerdog4life: Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once.
@girl_a_whirl: I've reprogrammed my FitBit to allow for more me time. And by reprogram, I mean I've attached it to the leg of a deer. I was born to run.