@jasonroeder: When you're accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don't reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
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@Tommytoughstuff: [Talking to a giant banana] "Is that a human being in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
@ladybroseph: Many said I couldn't crossbreed peacocks and flamingos. Yet, I stand here today with my beloved flamingcocks as an inspiration to our youth.
@LazyJ044: Me: *Sweeping* Wife: Excuse me Me: *Slams broom on floor* YOU SHALL NOT PASS Wife: ... Me: That's from lord of Wife: MOVE! Me: *Moves*
@Reverend_Scott: [first date] "So, I heard you work at the circus." [shallows bread stick whole] Nope. "You sure about that?" [chewing on glass] Yup