@noog: When you're alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what's up.
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@Whitnuts: I always try to tell myself that I don't actually hate people as much as I say I do...and then I go to the mall.
@mkpaulsen: I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.
@freypalm: Me: Ew, what sort of shop is this? It just sells dead birds? My cat: Pick out whatever you want, birthday boy. It's on me.
@ibid78: [therapist] what seems to be the problem? [her] he only hears what he wants to hear. It's awful [me] oh my god yes, I would love a waffle