@TheNardvark: When you’re cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like.
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@WowItsStephen: "I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy" is my favorite lyric about murdering law enforcement officials in moderation.
@hiimmatts: VILLAIN: Hello, Mr. Bond. I've been expecting- BOND: OMG congrats! How far along are you? V: What? No- B: Have you picked out a name yet?
@LeeryLeary: The fact that the British call math "maths" scares me, since the only thing more frightening than math is plural math.
@TheCatWhisprer: My favorite thing about all the people waiting in line for the new iPhones is for those hours the rest of the world is a better place.