@TheNardvark: When you’re cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like.
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@stevemarriott: Fun fact: if you play Hotel California backwards, and slowed down 30bpm, there's a fantastic hidden quiche recipe
@toomanytoes: Evil villain: I've been expecting you. *Swivels around in swivel chair* *Superhero runs over & spins chair faster* Evil villian: WEEEEE!
@abbycohenwl: [god on LSD creating Donald Trump What if a car alarm that constantly goes off for no reason were a person?