@BryMastas: When you're pushing 40, the real life challenge is to find the pic angle where you don't look like Jabba the Hut.
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@RobDenBleyker: "Poor" is an odd word because when you put it in front of "people" it's sad but when you put it in front of "bladder control" it's hilarious
@trevso_electric: When your girlfriend is PMS'ing, cheer her up by showing her that "totally weird" text you got from your ex last night.
@UNTRESOR: Doctors just told me I have "stripper lung" from inhaling too much brass polish & if I go back to "JIGGLERS" again I'll die.
@SuperRandomish: Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt.