@jennalynn518: Whenever a bill collector calls I just give the phone to my toddler and tell her it's Barney.
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@VintageKriner: "You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark." The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage.
@GordoHelio: Job interview... H- "So how would you describe yourself?" Me- "Verbally but just incase I prepared a dance"..
@Shock_Monster: I swear to holy hell, Aunt Pat, I would rather lick a midget's taint than accept your invitation to play Lucky Slots.