@jennalynn518: Whenever a bill collector calls I just give the phone to my toddler and tell her it's Barney.
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@ibid78: If you whisper, "we're being watched," you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days.
@Turbo_Jimmy: *Wife thumps door* "I KNOW UR IN THERE! U BLEW OUR SAVINGS ON A SHITTY INVENTION, DIDN'T U?!" NO! *furiously flushes 1000s of dog-tampons*
@GrrrRach: I've spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can't find his nuggets.
@RobDenBleyker: Someone please help me with my pope resume, so far all I have is "I look fantastic in large hats."