@ewfeez: Whenever a guy named Stephen tries to tell me what to do I shout, "you're not my real hen!" and run away
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@NYC_Blonde: If someone specifies that you're book-smart and not street-smart or street-smart but not book-smart, they're calling you stupid.
@ddsmidt: When you call home on a holiday and get passed around, it's worse than being included on a group text.
@WilliamAder: Can't wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
@juanadog: Pointed out my kids real dad to them at the car wash today. None of us are sure if I'm kidding.