@prodigis: whenever a song says put your hands in the air i do it on the spot. i have fun and also an alarming vehicle collision record
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@bfrosty04: Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.
@RealCarrotFacts: You can tuck a carrot into bed , but it won't know what you are doing because he's a carrot
@funnybeachgirl: With the holidays upon us, please dont forget what they stand for. Family, friends & punching strangers at the mall because they cut in line
@CoolCamel69: Son, I found some drugs in your backpack "Dad I swear they're not mine" DAMMIT SUSAN, THEY ARENT HIS. 1st time we were proud and you blew it