@markleggett: Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say "You can only pick one."
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@TheTweetOfGod: Capitalism is controlled by an "invisible hand" that gives most people the invisible finger.
@Underchilde: I'm sorry but shits and giggles don't sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
@ohthatbadger: 30% of Satan's workday is responding to accidental summonings caused by predictive typing.
@dubstep4dads: ladies say I'm a hamster in the sheets because I squeal when I'm uncomfortable and I leave small pellets in the bed