@markleggett: Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say "You can only pick one."
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@notalogin: Did you ask her out? Yes. And? She only dates guys named Matt. Cause she likes to walk all over them? No, tattoo she can't afford to remove.
@carlyken: [lawyer whispers to plaintiff] two can play this game "Your honor. Upsexy." Judge: what's upsexy? "that's harassment. move to change venues"