@markleggett: Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say "You can only pick one."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LilFlaOrange30: I'm like a cartoon character, not because I'm cute or funny, but because I wear the same clothes every day.
@bourgeoisalien: Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?
@FrogAvalanche: "Dad, I cant sleep." Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. "Dad Im seven-" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS.