@Phook75: Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I'm really fun to talk to.
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@Ristolable: Every time you get a haircut, you're essentially returning your last haircut and exchanging it for the exact same thing
@SlabBaconBP: Could you Christian rock singers please invest in a thesaurus. I think God is fully aware by now that you think he is "great" and "awesome."
@KeetPotato: guy at seaworld: "it's a cross between an eel and a shark, we're asking everyone to pick a name for him" wife: "steve" me: "sharkeel o'neal"
@KDonhoops: No internet for 11 hours. I've written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce "gif."