@Phook75: Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I'm really fun to talk to.
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@HouseWithDoors: *playing poker* *my opponent smirks* "All in." he says. *pair of aces* *I smile* *throws down a pair of Olsen twins* "Full House."
@animaldrumss: [ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let's discuss ways they could improve their image
@TeachersHot: Sunday mornings are a great time for me to reflect on why I haven't killed anyone yet