@junejuly12: Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working.
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@yoyoha: Johnny Depp is proof that if you dress like you're a member of a rock band long enough one will just form around you eventually
@TheBigBatman: Wife left a note on the fridge it says "It's not working, gone to my mom's" I opened it and opened a beer, it's cold, the fridge works fine?
@Snikoggs: [Job Interview] "It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17 X 19?" "36" "That's not even close" "But it was quick"
@BriarSlyMadness: If you're ever attacked by a mob of angry Vegans... ...don't worry about it. They're too weak to hurt you.