@junejuly12: Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working.
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@MarlonBrandNO: [In Bar] Friend: Your fly is down Me: I know, he's going through a messy divorce *glances to fly passed out among empty beer bottles*
@WheelTod: Saw Interstellar over the weekend & was totally glued to my seat. The movie was OK but the getting-glued-to-my-seat thing ruined it for me.
@VeganZebra: WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could've used the word 'bloodthirsty' a little less