@junejuly12: Whenever an automatic hand dryer doesn't turn on for me, I like to think my diet is really working.
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@juliussharpe: I hate when my congressman emails me to "take action" on an issue. Dude, you're the one in congress, you do something.
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long.
@RandomAntics: as a kid, there really wasn't anything I wanted to be when i grew up. and boy have i nailed it.