@MelvinofYork: Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head.
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@david8hughes: [son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over
@senorwinces: Take a look at trending topics and you'll realize why they have to write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.
@Rlpihl: First guy to invent a bread bowl was like "I'm gonna rip the top of this muffin & pour soup in it"
@bridger_w: When I'm worried about something, I find that going on a walk is a great way to get outside, breathe, and think of new things to worry about