@MelvinofYork: Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head.
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@aveuaskew: My neighbors have been calling for their cat for 15 minutes. I've been meowing out the window for 30.
@KKBowls: Me: damn, doc I'm losing my hair. What can you give me to keep it in? Dr.: a plastic bag
@Sickayduh: Rose: I'm so cold. Jack: Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and- fine, you can have my damn hoodie
@LaziestCanine: "911 what's your emergency" IM DYING "what happened" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES "lol pics or didn't happen"