@MomOnFire: Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there's like 40 people feeling sorry for me.
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@Bob_Janke: I saw a guy that had a knife on his belt tonight and I thought, "now there's a guy that's really prepared to slice some cake"
@aparnapkin: "Doctor, how bad is it?" "I mean, you're just not a great singer. I don't know why you needed a doctor to confirm for you, but there it is."