@MomOnFire: Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there's like 40 people feeling sorry for me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@briangaar: Whenever people are like "We need to restore traditional values to this country" I assume they mean slavery and burning witches at the stake
@Diane_7A: Twitter has no plot, millions of characters, & it never ends. Basically, it's a "Hobbit" movie.
@PieChord: The only time my ex will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground.