@o__0Dev: Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I'm done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.
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@AbbieEvansXO: [husband and wife decide to try swinging] Wife: I never should've agreed to this, it's only fun for you Husband: PUSH ME HIGHER! WEEEEE!
@brendohare: My girlfriend does not want to split the gallon of milk I smuggled into the movie theater for us 😔
@jjhartinger: I went to the Gym and the power went out. I whispered, "thank you baby jesus" and left.
@david8hughes: Customer: is it 4 wheel drive? Me [counting the wheels]: yeah Customer: no like can it go off-road? Me [looking around showroom]: well yeah