@o__0Dev: Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I'm done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.
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@daemonic3: "Damn girl, you look hot" Really? "Like a sexy little italian car" DID YOU JUST CALL ME FIAT?!?
@matthandlersux: a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, a genocide of seagulls, a holocaust of toucans
@clyderun: My company just gave the janitor the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.
@BuckyIsotope: I'll always remember what my dad told me right before he died: "of course you're supposed to use that much lighter fluid idiot."