@SandyPeterz: Whenever I have a twitter break, I check my job.
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@SamDelanche: My boss just asked if I'm illiterate, which is offensive because I know exactly who my father is.
@mattytalks: She was a fax machine She kept her modem clean She was the best damn printer that I've ever seen
@Eightinchgoat: Her: I LOVE your beard! Me: Thanks, yours is coming in nicely, too! Flirting with women my age is hard, guys.
@InternetHippo: All the adults who used to tell me "When you're older you'll understand" - I appreciate your optimism but have some bad news