@seamussaid: FIRST GUY TO RECEIVE A LETTER IN AN ENVELOPE: oh I get it she wrapped up a piece of paper in.... another piece of paper

@sixfootcandy: My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn't walk to the donut shop.

@The_MartiniGirl: I would love my job so much more if I didn't have to hide my flask.

@BrettDruck: Me: omg look how bad they messed up my name at Starbucks, this isn't even close lupita nyong'o: that's my coffee

@jessokfine: [Me at job interview] And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?