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@SandyPeterz: Whenever I have a twitter break, I check my job.
@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
@megan_stuhr: Want to piss your girlfriend off?
Text her "He's busy." and turn off your phone.
@bornmiserable: Jay Z: Can I get a what what?
Teacher: Jay Z, can you or may you?
Jay Z: SORRY MAY I GET A WHAT WHAT
Teacher: Yes, you may get a what what.
@FSUSteve: Almost 10,000 tweets, guess who's not Employee of the Month.
@KeetPotato: [firemen meeting]
if we had a pole instead of stairs, we could get to the trucks much quicker
"why dont we just sit downstairs?"