@SandyPeterz: Whenever I have a twitter break, I check my job.
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@SonOfCha: Went into a massage parlor & asked for the happy ending, now I'm tucked into bed with a Korean woman reading me Cinderella.
@trevso_electric: "Smells fresh. Like a tropical island." "Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"
@markydoodoo: [inventing the pelican] god: ok so we ran out of beaks but i found this traffic cone