@Bob_Janke: Whenever I have to fix a hole in any wall I always hide a realistically drawn but totally fake treasure map in there first.
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@Book_Krazy: [Therapist appt.] Hub: She doesn't have her priorities straight. *Me on FaceTime with a petting zoo in the background* "That's not true"
@SamGrittner: *opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* "Wait. Then that means-" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]
@chimneyspotter: ME: Mexican food does NOT agree with me BURRITO: Correct. Your thoughts on middle eastern power structures are banal and imperialist at best