@poutinesmoothie: Whenever I hear snapping, I always fear I’m walking into a battle between rival gangs from West Side Story.
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@Home_Halfway: I want to make medical bracelets that say "In case of emergency, delete browser history"
@PajamaBenLaden: *undercover cop knocks* Hi fill out this survey to win a free IPad! 1. name 2. address 3. email 4. where are drugs *mustache falls off*
@SummerCandyEyes: My son asked me if mayonnaise was a mammal. *cashes in college fund *installs a pool in backyard
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Interviewer: When were you most satisfied at your last job? Me: After lunch, next question.