@GloriaFallon123: Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
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@Try2StopME: I had a pretty confused childhood because I thought obituaries are actually advertisements selling dead people.
@KalvinMacleod: [sky diving] INSTRUCTOR: questions before we jump? ME: do u think clams ever choke on their pearls? INSTRUCTOR: *pushes me out of the plane*
@daemonic3: [bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish
@ninjadinosaur1: There is no law stating that you have to explain why you're carrying a purse full of hair when going through security.