@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."
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@catstronomical: me *dead*: at least I don't have to pay student loans *Gets e-mail* We see your living status has changed. Click to update your loan info.
@Philosopherbing: Actual warning I saw in a pamphlet: "You may be at risk for throat cancer if you have a throat or mouth." Oh shit....
@daemonic3: [traffic court] Your honor, I'm here to dispute 4 of my 5 tickets JUDGE: Repeat infractions? Ok, I'm here to dispute ⁴/₅ of my tickets