@GlennyRodge: Whenever I left a door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd because you'd think she'd remember something like that.
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@House_Feminist: Just when I thought we'd avoided all controversial topics at Thanksgiving dinner my niece said Aristocats was better than The Lion King
@KentWGraham: A woman saying "I'm not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won’t feel a thing."
@beardofprey: last night my dog shit on the floor then at some point the Roomba came and smeared it all over the house :D
@cloudypianos: Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe. Joe: no please no more. Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*