@msmessymist: Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!
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@VerbsRProudest: Never underestimate mothers. They can turn "mayhem" into "ma'am" with one narrowed glance.
@caroline_umc: Ever been so completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
@AKackley: Me : I wanna go home Boss: where's your dedication? Me : I left it at home can I go get it ?