@msmessymist: Whenever I lose a follower I assume they died and the family had the account removed, because hello! I'm amazing!!
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@Sassafrantz: Relationship Status: I ate 7 bananas trying to get the new guy at work to notice me.
@TMZ: Reckless driving, pot allegations and cop visits, Justin Bieber is a bad wig away from being the next Amanda Bynes.
@KalvinMacleod: My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
@msdanifernandez: My mom's favorite internet game is "Log me into the Facebook. Is this the Facebook? Is that your brother? Why is he drinking upside down?"