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@BritXNic: "Creepy DM: I want to shave your legs. Me: Ew" On reflection this would have been a real time saver. If you're reading this, call me?
@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
@Dis0beyJay: [at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*
@TheBigBatman: Wife left a note on the fridge it says "It's not working, gone to my mom's" I opened it and opened a beer, it's cold, the fridge works fine?