@Book_Krazy: Whenever I seductively unbutton my pants, I always maintain full eye contact with the waiter so he knows I want more table bread.
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@fro_vo: me folding laundry: ugh another sock is missing puppet on my hand: how does that keep happening
@trilldrone: "911 what's your em-" STAMPEDE "slow down sir" IN THE GORGE "sir I'm gonna need you t-" SIMBAS DOWN THERE
@FrenulumBreve: [15 minutes into choosing which crab from the tank to have for dinner] Date: are you crying?
@hellominamoo: I'm going to take all of your tweets that make absolutely zero sense and combine them to make a Red Hot Chili Peppers song