@brendohare: Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I'm like, that's so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I'm more fun than I actually am
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@mynameisntdave: ME: honey, it's really muggy out today WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
@WheelTod: I once accidentally broke up with a girl on a broken-down train, when I said "I don't think this is going anywhere."
@birbigs: Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.