@brendohare: Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I'm like, that's so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I'm more fun than I actually am
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@GiantsofDiving: Does everyone get take 'by mouth' printed on their pills or did the pharmacist look me over and think hmm...this guy might go the other way?
@SirEviscerate: *builds time machine* *goes back in time 183 days* *earth is on the other side of the sun* *dies in space*
@Adam14: Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You're welcome.
@mrkoodge: *lowers car suspension to look more gangster* *takes 12 minutes to ride over a speedbump*