@Jenny4ashley: Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I'm like HOLY CRAP I'M OUTSIDE.
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@JohnASinclair: I'm gonna have a secret lair that consists of toilets and sinks. It'll be called "John Sinclair's john and sink lair"
@MableGertrude: I wonder how many people come visit our country and then immediately leave after trying a slice of American cheese.
@cepheusjackson: WIFE: Shouldn't you be at work? ME: I took care of it. BOSS: [to the cardboard cutout of Shaq with my face glued on it] Nice work today.