@ilovepie84: Whenever I see a new couple on a date I walk up to their table, hold up my phone and tell the guy "You're Wife Sarah says hello".
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@0point5twins: In phone books, "assisted living" is next to "assassin", so be more careful than I was, hiring someone to 'take care of grandma'.
@truegritrumble: I once dated a girl so my pet rock wouldn't be embarrassed after he threw himself at her window.
@AnUglyNigga: A horror movie with all black people lmao "Ayo what's going down in ya basement?" "That ain't my business" "I feel ya" *Rolls credits*