@DamienFahey: Whenever I see an empty pizza box in a neighbor's garbage can, I get jealous someone had a better night than I did.
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@wilw: I think the blue states should get the taco trucks first, and the red states have to wait, because elections have consequences.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: Table…table doesn't look great JESUS: Through me you will have eternal life ME: ok cool but you SPECIFICALLY said you were a carpenter
@WhaJoTalkinBout: My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet.
@mariokeyparty: It's kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn't