@PanicRestroom: Whenever I see someone posting a picture with a celebrity, I comment: "Who's that next to you?"
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@ShortSleeveSuit: [at hardware store] Me [wiping my mouth]: Waiter I would like another bucket of color soup please Employee: Sir you probably shouldn’t be drinking our paint Me: *tips hat* *passes out*
@jakob_huber: "Get me another beer, boy" "Dad I'm an adult. My name's Bobby" "It's time you knew the truth boy. The 2nd & 3rd B's in your name are silent"