@ilovepie84: Whenever I see someone with spider web tattoos on their elbows I spray them with Raid and attempt to flush them down the toilet.
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@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
@Reverend_Scott: Don't forget to sacrifice your own personal goals to live up to someone else's expectations today!
@pinupteacher: Best thing about living in NY is you can order anything, anytime, and 30 minutes later it shows up. You see here? This here is an orangutan.
@Muath_tu: Apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office.