@Dutch_50: Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?" Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.
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@drhappyknuckles: First they came for the fat, whiny losers, and I said nothing, because they got me immediately. I was like the first person they got.
@bakerbakerbaker: friend: have u accepted jesus christ as yr savior so u can be allowed into the kingdom of heaven? me: who all going?
@JohnLyonTweets: My rum-raisin cake is gluten free. It's also raisin free. And cake free. OK it's just rum.