@QwertyJones3: Whenever I tell her that I want to put my Butterfinger into her MilkyWay, she Snickers.
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@fluffysuse: If it's your imperfections that make you beautiful, I'm pretty sure I should be a supermodel.
@IbecameMyDad: If someone brought me coffee right now I would follow them around like an imprinted baby bird forever.
@LindaInDisguise: My kid is almost old enough for social media so we'll need to have "the talk" soon. You know, about your/you're and their/there/they're.
@slimmy_shady: My gf told me that I punched her in the face while I was sleeping last night. I apologized because I totally remember being awake for that.