@QwertyJones3: Whenever I tell her that I want to put my Butterfinger into her MilkyWay, she Snickers.
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@PaperWash: "Wow, it smells like *sniff* wait what the?" *Rips blind fold off and sees house burning down* "Omg!" Narrator: The power of Febreeze
@mattgallo123: My third bottle of wine was able to "breathe" for a few hours when I opened it at 3am and passed out on the floor.
@moooooog35: [1st day in Senate] Me: I'm against genetic engineering Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs Me: How much funding do you need