@ARealTinderella: Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends.
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@tonsmorecowbell: Somewhere in Africa, a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts.
@NoTheOtherJohn: ATTORNEY: Ladies and gentlemen, how could my client have committed murder WHEN IT'S AGAINST THE LAW [whispering throughout courtroom]
@TheTweetOfGod: With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible.
@maurex23: [spelling bee] -your word is 'amnesia' -can you use it a sentence, please? -your word is 'amnesia'