@ARealTinderella: Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends.
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@SCbchbum: "Don't kill it!" my friend pleaded for a spider's life inside. So I carefully trapped it in a cup, brought it outside, then stomped on it.
@CindyMeakin: What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet.
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.
@PJTLynch: People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio