@jonnysun: whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him
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@AnniemuMary: My grocery store changed its whole layout. It was better the other way so I'm slowly and quietly moving everything back.
@bobvulfov: TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Under special skills, you wrote "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" ME: *sweating profusely* Yeah why, do any ghosts work here?