Whenever I write out my alimony payment, I put cute things on the memo. Like "for your next divorce" or "clothes that make you feel skinny".

@JohnPoveromo: The iWatch is awesome because it's the fastest way to let everyone know you used to have 500 dollars.

1

@StephenBCramer: All my passwords are protected by amnesia.

500

@ddsmidt: I'd be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.

1

@Token_Geezer: A vegan, an atheist and a reformed ex-smoker walk into a bar. Everyone else in the bar leaves.

174

@Jenniferf42: Alcohol doesn't cause hangovers....waking up does.

1

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