@imence2: Whenever I write out my alimony payment, I put cute things on the memo. Like "for your next divorce" or "clothes that make you feel skinny".
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@Darlainky: You know what else is crazy? *googles synonyms for crazy*
@thatcarlygirl: "So, you're going that way? Cool. Me too." - Dogs
@_NTFG_: My friend left his laptap on the floor in my living room. My other friend thought it was a scale. Conclusion: She weighs $950.
@JohnLyonTweets: Her: Why are you still calling? You know it's over between us. Him: You know why. Her: *sighs, calls dog to phone*
@MarfSalvador: teacher: your son was caught smoking pot me: did he say where he got it? teacher: yes, his best friend me: [tearing up] he really said that?
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