@Velocycrator: Whenever I'm alone, I like to dig a hole in my backyard, remove all my clothes, go inside that hole and pretend that I'm a carrot.
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@aveuaskew: Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
@kelkulus: When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people.
@Squizbot: I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people finding me attractive.