@mattgallo123: Whenever I'm drinking gatorade and wearing gym clothes I wonder if people think I'm exercising or if they know I'm hungover on laundry day.
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@tastefactory: *bees surround guy* AHHH GET THEM AWAY "Don't make any sudden movements" *suddenly the Macarena comes on* Oh no...
@Carbosly: I hope zombies will come from Mexico. After eating their way through fat Americans, they'll be like "Sorry little Canadians. We're full."
@Spaziotwat: [On The Cross] Jesus:"Father, forgive them, fore they know no-" Voice from the crowd:"DO THE WINE TRICK"
@CroweJam: Named my hamster Spam so when he dies I can bury him in a little tin coffin with his name on it.