@MarcusTheToken: Whenever I'm on a flight and a bald person sits next to me, it takes a ton of willpower not to draw on their head when they are sleep.
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@jonnysun: *turns on internet* computor, i need to take a break from trying to achieve one thing. show me all of the achievments of others all at once
@BlindChow: Columbus: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Well– Columbus: *just yanks me out of my car and drives off in it*
@Flattliner: I'm introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce.
@seethenare: age 9- *jumps off fences, feels fine* age 19- *jumps off garage on a dare, feels fine* age 39- *takes Aleve cuz I "slept funny"