@AristotlesNZ: Whenever I'm picking up my wife I skid to a stop by her & yell "Come with me if you want to live!" so she knows she married pure awesomeness
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@RdrJay47: I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
@nayele18: Can't afford those fancy water parks, so I just throw cups of water in my kids faces when they least expect it.
@justabloodygame: [throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? "Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-" *loud knock* "It's the Roman legion. Open up!"
@Bwomono: My mom has a habit of replying my texts with NOTED Me:I love you Mom: NOTED Me:Rebels have come and abducted your husband Mom: NOTED