@MisterBombay: Whenever I'm waiting for an elevator & the door finally slides open I pretend I'm on a Game Show & just won a group of people
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@ObscureGent: All those years of school never taught me the most important life lesson. Green gummy bears are strawberry flavored.
@kumailn: The director of "A Girl in the River" went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars
@KeetPotato: [restaurant owners meeting] "we should start asking customers if they've been here before" why though? "absolutely no reason at all" ok deal