@Overdue_Bills: Whenever my car won't start I open the hood so I can have a good look at all the things I don't understand.
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@batkaren: HER: What's your cell plan? ME: Bodily decay over decades until inevitable mortal collapse. You? HER: ... ME: ... HER: ... V-Verizon.
@dubstep4dads: Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral
@girlontapas: The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but...they can't make a microwave that I can put metal in. Someone isn't trying.