@Overdue_Bills: Whenever my car won't start I open the hood so I can have a good look at all the things I don't understand.
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@samuelhlowe: When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.
@GerryDuggan: Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers.
@HumorParasite: Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
@rolldiggity: Whenever someone on a plane reclines their seat into you, pull them back even further and whisper in their ear, "Keep going."