@Dustinkcouch: Whenever my girlfriend doesn't eat her dinner, I remind her that there are starving kids in Africa, and that she'll never be that skinny.
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@AlyssaDiSalle: Do something nice for your ex today, take them out. One bullet should do the trick.
@clindsaysway: That awkward moment when the person who just made the elevator notices you were holding the 'close' button
@Kyle_Lippert: DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting