@RelatabIe: whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@somecleverthing: Plagiarism is bad? Change a few words, that shit is yours. It's like when you change a baby's clothes- new baby. New baby that's yours now.
@notacroc: DOCTOR: what were you thinking? He had a sword. ME: *bleeding everywhere, clutching my favorite pen* that's not how it's supposed to work
@MrIceMachine: Happy imagery of the day: A mouse dressed as a pirate sits on your shoulder while you work and pretends to steer you holding a potato-chip.
@junejuly12: Me: Maybe shouting "harder baby" during CPR training was not a great idea. Security Guard: Keep walking. Stop talking.