@MomOfTeen: Whenever my teen cleans his room, I get a brand new set of dishes.
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@sageboggs: How to Be Good At Twitter 1. don't be 2. don't have that be your goal 3. aim higher 4. seriously, go outside or something
@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
@GrantTanaka: We should probably abolish the death penalty since we don't even get to throw rotten vegetables at people anymore